TALKBACKREPLIKERNA TILL ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW

SCIENCE FICTION:

LIPS: And he told us where we stand...

- On our feet

LIPS: Claude Rains was the Invisible Man...

- Who's Claude Rains?

LIPS: They got caught in a cellulold jam...

- Yeah Jam!

LIPS: It came from...

- Where

LIPS: Outer space...

- Thank you

LIPS: I saw that Leo G. Carrol...

- Was fucking a barrel

LIPS: When Tarantula took the hills...

- Lick it!

LIPS: And I really got hot when I saw...

- Janet's twat

LIPS: That spits poison and kills...

- Yeah, kills

LIPS: But when worlds collide...

-Boom

LIPS: I'm gonna give ya...

- Some joints and some pills

LIPS: Like a...

- Like what

LIPS: In the back row...

- Fuck the back row


CHURCH SCENE:

RALPH: Betty's gonna throw the bouquet...

- Hey Janet,do you have syph?

RALPH: Hey, big fellow...

- How would you know?

RALPH: See ya, Brad...

- See ya sucker

RALPH: Come on Betty, hop in...

- Think about it asshole...Wait til tonight, she got hers, now he'll get his

JANET: Now she's Mrs. Ralph Hapschatt...

- Hapshit...

BRAD: Ralph's a lucky guy...

- No he's not. She's got syph.

WOMAN: I always cry at weddings...

- So do I, honey

BRAD: Betty's a wonderful little cook..

- She's the hottest baked potato in Denton...yeah Denton! The home of happiness.

BRAD: A promotion in a year or two...

- If he doesn't get busted first

BRAD: Hey Janet...

- Sit on my face and wiggle...

BRAD: I've got something to say...

- Say it

BRAD: I really love the...

- Starts with an "S".

Sku..Sku..Sku..Sku..

BRAD: Skillful way...

- What a fuckin' genius

BRAD: You beat the other girls...

- With whips and chains

BRAD: To the bridal bouquet...

- And that too

BRAD: There's three ways that love can grow...

- Sex, drugs and rock and roll

BRAD: That's...

-Gay, straight and mediocre

BRAD: Oh J-A-N-E-T...

- I want a blow

JANET: I'm so glad that you...

- Fuck Mom and you blow Dad

JANET: Oh, Brad...

- Oh, shit

JANET: I'm mad...

- Oh, shit

BRAD: Made me...

- Piss in my pants and then panic

JANET: Oh, Brad...

- You fag...I love you.


CRIMINOLOGIST'S OFFICE:

CRIM: I would like...

- You would, would you?

CRIM: If I may...

- You may

CRIM: To take you...

- Where?

CRIM: On a strange journey...

- How strange was it? It was so strange they made a movie about it; not the book, the movie.

CRIM: It was a fairly ordinary night...

- Ordinary?

CRIM: When Brad Majors...

- Asshole

CRIM: And his Fiancee...

- Slut

CRIM: Janet Weiss

- Veisss!

CRIM: Two young healthy kids...

- Healthy?

CRIM: Now friend to both of them...

- Is it true that you're constipated?

CRIM: There were dark storm clouds...

- Describe your balls.

CRIM: They were driving...

- Is it true you're also gay?

CRIM: Badly in need of some air...

- So's your fuckin' neck

CRIM: Normal kids

- Normal?

CRIM: Spoil the events of the evening...

- Certainly not

CRIM: On a night out...

- Come a little bit closer, Chuckie

CRIM: They were going to remember..

- For how long?

CRIM: A very long time...

- What a fuckin' drip


CAR SCENE:

NIXON: I have never been a quitter...

- Bullshit

NIXON: To every instinct in my body

- You call that a body?

NIXON: But as president...

- You call that a president?

NIXON: The Interest of America first...

- What does America need, Dick?

NIXON: Needs a full-time President...

- What else?

BRAD: To that type...

- Yeah! That type!

JANET: What's the matter Brad?

- Make a sound like a cow?

BRAD: A few miles back...

- Asshole

BRAD: Just have to turn back...

- Look out!

JANET: What was the bang?

- A gang bang

BRAD: That spare tire fixed...

- Asshole

JANET: In the middle of nowhere...

- What's white and sells hamburgers?

JANET: I'm coming with you...

- That'll be a first

JANET: Might be a beautiful woman...

- He is!

JANET: Never come back again...

- You should be so lucky!

JANET: Burning bright...

- What's up your ass?

JANET: There's a guiding star...

- That must hurt


CRIMINOLOGIST'S OFFICE:

CRIM: That their plight required...

- Are you sure?

CRIM: Or had they?

- Nyah-ha-ha


CASTLE:

BRAD: Hi, my name is Brad Majors...

- Asshole

BRAD: My fiancee, Janet Weiss...

- Veiss!!

BRAD: You have a phone we might use...

- Look between Janet's legs

JANET: Yes, it's raining

- No shit, Sherlock - are you an asshole, Brad?

BRAD: Yes...

- Are you on drugs, Riff?

RIFF: Perhaps you better both...

- Get lost

RIFF: Come inside...

- I don't care where you come, as long as you clean it up.

BRAD: Hunting lodge for rich weirdos...

- Yeah, rich weirdos...Hey Riff, which way?

RIFF: This way...

- Follow the Bouncing Thumb

JANET: Are you having a party?

- No, it's my sister's Bas Mitzvah

RIFF: It's one of the masters affairs

- Which one?

RIFF: I've got to...

- Smoke a bowl

RIFF: I remember doing the Time Warp...

- 1, 2

MAGENTA: Into the time slip...

- Work that bird

JANET: Say something...

- Say something stupid

BRAD: How to do the Madison...

- I do the rock myself, I do the swim

BRAD: In a bit of a hurry...

- Left

JANET: Right

- Left

BRAD: We don't want to be any worry

- (simultaneously) We both want to fuck Tim Curry

FRANK: Stay for the night...

- Night!

FRANK: Maybe a bite...

- Bite

FRANK: My favorite obsession...

- Sex

FRANK: I've been making a man...

- You call that a man

FRANK: Good for relieving my...

- Sexual

FRANK: So...

- What

FRANK: Come up to the lab...

- And fuck me on the stab

FRANK: With antici...

- Say it, Consta...

FRANK: So I'll remove...

- Your clothes. But what about those nasty symptoms?

COLUMBIA: Too nice a job to rush...

- Yeah, rush!

BRAD: My name is Brad Majors...

- Asshole

BRAD: Janet Weiss...

- Veiss...Hey Brad, how do you spell urinate?

COLUMBIA: Right arm for the privilege...

- Or their left tit.

MAGENTA: The master does not like to be kept waiting.

- What do you do to an uncomfortable cock? (pause) Drop it! Thank you!

RIFF: We are simply his...

- Slaves


LABORATORY SCENE:

FRANK: Magenta...

- Where do you get your pot?

FRANK: Go and assist...

- Woof woof

BRAD: Brad Majors...

- Asshole

BRAD: My fiancee, Janet Veiss...

- Weiss!

BRAD: Weiss...

- Frank, do you speak French?

FRANK: It'll make you feel less...

- Naked...

FRANK: Offer them...

- Horse brutality

BRAD: Ungrateful!

- Superman!

FRANK: Perfect specimen of manhood, so...

- Big

FRANK: Proud of him Janet...

- Hey Janet, are you a slut?

RIFF: Merely await your word...

- (Pause) - Hey Frank, when's the orgy?

FRANK: An accident to make it happen...

- A what?

FRANK: That elusive ingredient...

- Who‚s your favorite character on Star Trek ?

FRANK: Breath of life...

- Are you going to fuck everyone in the audience tonight?

FRANK: Yes...

- Do you know about gay sex?

FRANK: I have that knowledge...

- What do you hold under your arm?

FRANK: I hold the secret...

- To life?

FRANK: To life...

- Itself?

FRANK: Destined to be...

- Fucked!

FRANK: OK?

- Hey Frank, how do you kill roaches?

FRANK: Do better than that...

- Why don‚t you ask Brad and Janet?

FRANK: What do you think of him?

- Lie, Janet

JANET: With too many muscles...

- Just one big one

FRANK: Make his glisten...

- What's your favorite toothpaste?

FRANK: Snatch, clean and jerk..

- Off

FRANK: One from the vaults...

- A greaser from the freezer, a bat out of hell

FRANK: Oh Baby!

- I'm upset

FRANK: It was a mercy killing...

- Mercy, mercy, mercy

FRANK: Make me...

- Ooh! Dance with a midget.

FRANK: Take Charles Atlas by the...

- Balls

FRANK: In just seven days...

- That's a week

FRANK: Just Dynamic Tension...

- Sing it bitch


CRIMINOLOGIST'S OFFICE:

CRIM: Life is an illusion...

- Like your neck

CRIM: Figment of our imagination...

- Like your neck

CRIM: Somber Bridal...

- Sweeeeet!

CRIM: A feeling which...

- Greeeew! Unlike your neck.


JANET'S BEDROOM:

JANET: Come in...

- And out and in again

FRANK: Why, nothing...

- Yet!

FRANK: All bad, is it...

- It isn't all Brad either

FRANK: Not all spent yet...

- For a nickel I will

FRANK: Cross my heart and hope to die...

- Stick a Dildoe in my eye


BRAD'S BEDROOM:

BRAD: What have you done with Janet?

- Fucked the shit out of her

BRAD: Never, Never...

- Never, Never

BRAD: I thought it was the real thing...

- It is!

FRANK: Giving yourself over to pleasure...

- It is in New Jersey

FRANK: Coming!

- So is Brad!


LABORATORY:

JANET: Oh, Brad...

- Oh, Janet

JANET: Brad, my darling

- Janet, my fish

JANET: How could I have done this to you...

- It was easy. But it would have been easier without the pantyhose

JANET: It only we hadn't made this journey...

- But you did

JANET: If only the car hadn't broken down...

- But it did

JANET: If only we were amongst friends...

- But you aren't

JANET: Or same persons...

- Two out of three ain't bad

ROCKY: (Crying)

- Leave him alone, he's monsterbating

JANET: Did they do this to you...

- They sure did! Those snivelling shits

JANET: Dress your wounds...

- And undress mine

JANET: Baby there...

- That's no baby Janet. 1, 2, 3, Hey Janet, you wanna fuck?


CRIMINOLOGIST'S OFFICE:

CRIM: Mental state...

- And you can only read about it, Shitlips

CRIM: A highly and irrational...

- Mouthwash

CRIM: Janet was indeed...

- A nymphomaniac


LABORATORY:

JANET: I was feeling done in...

- And pushed up

JANET: Couln't win

- Like the mets

JANET: I only ever kissed before...

- What a crock of shit

JANET: I thought there's no use getting...

- Laid

JANET: And seat wetting...

- Yeah! Wet seats!

JANET: And I want more...

- More, more, more

JANET: And rub you down...

- Down, down, down

RIFF: Master, we have a visitor...

- What does Captain Kirk say to his Chief Egineer?

BRAD: Happens to be a frind of mine...

- What's your favorite fruit drink?

FRANK: You came here on...

- A porpoise!

BRAD: I was feeling...

- A lie

RIFF: The intruder has entered the building, master...

- Where could he be?

FRANK: In the Zen Room!

- Not the Zen Room!

FRANK: In person...

- Oh, no, not the Triple Contact Electro Magnet

SCOTT: Frank N Further...

- Mit Kraut!

SCOTT: We meet at last...

- No, meet at first

SCOTT: Brad, what are you doing here?

- Oh, just fucking around

FRANK: What Brad Majors is doing here...

- Getting good head

FRANK: I know Brad is...

- You promised you wouldn't tell

SCOTT: To find Eddie...

- Sweatty!

FRANK: What do you know of Eddie, Dr.Scott?

- Get concerted

SCOTT: Eddie happens to be...

- My dinner!

MAGENTA: Master, dinner is prepared...

- And we helped! What do you think of oral sex?

FRANK: Formal dress is to be optional...

- Toga! Toga! Toga!


DINNER TABLE:

FRANK: A toast...

- To cannibalism

FRANK: Happy birthday to you...

- Woo!

FRANK: Shall we?

- Hey Riff, deal me a slice

FRANK: Another slice, anyone?

- And you took the food right out of my mouth, oh it must have been while you were chewing me .

FRANK: Dr.Scott...

- Janet , Brad, Rocky, uhhh!

SCOTT: From the day he was born...

- Not the night, but the day

SCOTT: He was trouble..

- Not monopoly, but trouble

SCOTT: He was the thorn...

- Not the rose, but the thorn

SCOTT: In his Mother's side...

- Not the back, but the side

SCOTT: She tried in vain...

- Not the artery, but the vein

SCOTT: Nothing but shame...

-Shame, shame, shame

SCOTT: He left home the day she died...

- It's Rockin' Scott

CRIM: Low down cheap little punk...

- Yeah, punk!

SCOTT: But he must have been drawn...

- Shoo-Bop, Shoo-Bop, Bop

SCOTT: In a note which reads...

- What's it say, what's it say?


LABORATORY:

BRAD: You mean...

- A vibrator

CRIM: And then she cried out...

- More! More! More!

JANET: You're a hot dog!

- Who's Tim Curry?

COLUMBIA: I loved you...

- What did you say?

FRANK: Not easy having a good time...

- Try Disneyworld

FRANK: And you shall receive it in abundance...

- What tastes good on cornflakes?


CRIMINOLOGIST'S OFFICE:

CRIM: Brand and Janet had both tasted...

-Frank's cock

CRIM: Forbidden fruit...

- Yeah! Frank's cock!

CRIM: Of little morals...

- Yeah! Little morals!

CRIM: And some persuasion...

- Yeah! Persuasion!

CRIM: And what of the Floor Show...

- Yeah! Floor Show

CRIM: What indeed...

- Where do you masturbate?

CRIM: In an empty house...

- When do you masturbate?

CRIM: In the middle of the night...

- The rates are cheaper

CRIM: Crazed imagination

- Yeah! Drabolical plan that seized Frank's crazed imagination.

CRIM: That this was going to be...

- A picnic?

CRIM: No picnic...

- Oh shit! And I brought the ants!


FLOOR SHOW / FINALE:

COLUMBIA: The only thing that gives me hope...

- Is smoking dope

COLUMBIA: My love of a certain dope...

- Yeah! Dope!

ROCKY: I am just seven hours old...

- And can't dance

ROCKY: The only thing I've come to trust...

- Is Janet's bust

ROCKY: Rush or lust...

- Yeah! Rush!

FRANK: Whatever happened to Eay Wray?

- She went apeshit!

FRANK: As it clung to her thigh...

- What? The apeshit?

FRANK: How I started to cry...

- I'd cry too, if I had apeshit on my thigh

FRANK: I wanted to be dressed just the same...

- So did I, honey

SCOTT: We've got to get...

- The fuck

SCOTT: My mind may snap...

- Crackle and pop

SCOTT: My life will be lived...

- OK! America, show us your underalls

JANET: God bless Lili St. Cyr...

- Hey Frank, whose pool is it?

FRANK: Wait...

- Can you explain?

FRANK: I can explain...

- This better be good, you got shot the last time

FRANK: I want to come again...

- So does Brad!

MAGENTA: How sentimental...

- You bitch

SCOTT: Society must be protected...

- Fuck society!

RIFF: Say goodbye to all of this...

- Goodbye, to all of this

RIFF: And Hello...

- Hello

RIFF: To oblivion...

- Hi oblivion, how's the wife and kids? (pause) First one to scream gets it right between the tits

MAGENTA: They liked you...

- Get paranoid, Riff

SCOTT: You did right...

- Slowly I turn, step by step, inch by inch

SCOTT: You OK by me...

- Na Nu, Na Nu

RIFF: I'm sorry about your...

- Dinner?

SCOTT: Eddie?

- No, Penelope. What should they do?

RIFF: Go...

- When?

RIFF: My most...

- Ugly Q tip

MAGENTA: Ah, sweet transexual...

- You called

MAGENTA: Land of night...

- And high electric bills

MAGENTA: To take that...

- Start with an "S" Stu Stu